STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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