last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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