and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
