he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
