Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
