The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.