The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.