This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I party with great urgency now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
