Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
