i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.