Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.

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  (775): somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car. http://tfl.nu/3f74
  Replies (16) Good night (3605) Bad night (818)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

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  (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like. http://tfl.nu/sasf
  Replies (25) Good night (9438) Bad night (1117)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.

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  (720): I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like. http://tfl.nu/6yf0
  Replies (5) Good night (1666) Bad night (1183)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?

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  (303): Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash? http://tfl.nu/u262
  Replies (8) Good night (964) Bad night (2635)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?

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  (703): Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch? http://tfl.nu/5l5a
  Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (1304)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt

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  (814): I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt http://tfl.nu/8loq
  Replies (8) Good night (737) Bad night (2332)
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  (949): View more from California

  You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!

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  (949): You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon! http://tfl.nu/33kf
  Replies (9) Good night (3981) Bad night (815)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom

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  (509): Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom http://tfl.nu/fom9
  Replies (18) Good night (3477) Bad night (1050)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

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  (602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij
  Replies (7) Good night (2125) Bad night (731)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs

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  (860): You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs http://tfl.nu/mobo
  Replies (6) Good night (848) Bad night (2036)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.

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  (205): Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink. http://tfl.nu/5avj
  Replies (5) Good night (984) Bad night (541)
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  (707): View more from California

  Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms

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  (707): Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms http://tfl.nu/5oim
  Replies (9) Good night (526) Bad night (1346)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!

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  (406): We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?! http://tfl.nu/cb95
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (398)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.

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  (302): Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE. http://tfl.nu/pskj
  Replies (6) Good night (555) Bad night (1428)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink

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  (705): how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink http://tfl.nu/hb4c
  Replies (3) Good night (1154) Bad night (423)

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