im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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