i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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