She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
