I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
