so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
