Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We left the knife in your bed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
