One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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