sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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