so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
