I wish I could punch you in the face.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Randomize
