I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
