And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
