You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
