Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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