Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
