Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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