You made me cry and you don't even care
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
