so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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