Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
