Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
