69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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