that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
