I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
