Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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