There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
