Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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