he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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