You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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