He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
