goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
