I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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