that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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