put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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