Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
