I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
