Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
