Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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