If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
