The maid of honor just puked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
