She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
