i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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