My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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