No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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