I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
