You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
