its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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