I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
