i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
