I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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