I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
