I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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