You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
