i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
